there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he's single and there are thong briefs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
