Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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