what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
