Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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