i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
