sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
