Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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