i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
