My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
