if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
