can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
