Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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