when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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