did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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