Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
