She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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