A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
