He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
