respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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