How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
