I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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