dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
