If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
