i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
