You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
