Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
