Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
