you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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