Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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