Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
