how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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