After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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