some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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