I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
