THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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