You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
