Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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