"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
