She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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