the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
