Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
