there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
