I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
