i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
