Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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