Need sex. Gaining weight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
