Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
