P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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