I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
