Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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