never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Terrible idea I love it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
