dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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