i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
