Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
