I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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