Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
