i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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