that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
