The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
