no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
