i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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