he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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