Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
