Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
